I’m Nige, a happily married hetrosexual male in his 60’s with 2 grown up children
Reading dad’s Commando Comics as a boy, I dreamed of becoming a Royal Marine. I even joined the local scouts, because they had green berets!
A successful application at 16 and I was bound for CTCRM, Lympstone. New friends, lots of fitness training, classroom work & field training. Marching proudly to the band on parade, and full of excitement for the future. We represented CTCRM, at Exeter Cathedral’s Christmas Service, one of the proudest moments of my life!
As Christmas leave fast approached, the NAFFI arranged a party. Sixteen-year-old recruits, cheap alcohol, live entertainment, local girls. A dangerous mix! Soon things became very blurred but what happened next had the worst possible impact on the rest of my life.
All I remember is waking up to the sound of screaming and shouting at me to get up, and I was dragged out of bed. The young recruit from the bed opposite was in my bed, and I had no idea how or why?
We were hauled off to the medics, and forced to have an internal examination, then taken to the guardhouse and locked in a cell for the rest of the night, still wondering what had happened, The last I remember was being in the NAFFI!
The following day I reported to my CO who told me what had happened, and asked if I was a homosexual? I didn’t really know what one was, as I’d had many girlfriends in school so just told him I had no idea what had happened?
He told me how disappointed he was, as he was looking for me to become a troop leader after Christmas, and although he said he believed me, news of what happened had spread and people had already presumed me to be gay, so he couldn’t guarantee my safety should I remain on camp. I was to be immediately discharged, and he’d write to my parents to tell them what had happened. After sorting my kit out, I was returned to my cell.
I was in shock and disbelief, having been accused of something I hadn’t done, being dismissed for being gay, when I’m not, and indeed nowadays, I would be supported as a victim!
I left camp next day, with other recruits going home on leave, the subject of their jokes and ridicule. I considered leaving the train and taking my own life to avoid the shame of having to tell my parents. I needn’t have worried though, they believed me, but we never spoke of it again, except when the Globe and Laurel came in the post, to add insult to injury!
For the rest of my life, I’ve lived in shame and guilt, shrouded by lies, but still committed to the corp. I became an LGBTQ+ ally, having lived personal experience of prejudice and bigotry.
I have supported many Armed Forces events and recruitment drives, even though my time in the RM was short lived. I am still very proud of having served.
I’ve had “blips” along the way, trying to end my life on several occasions, but with a good family and friend network, I’m still here, although they never knew or asked the full reasons behind the “why”?
Finally, after years of bottling things up, I’ve spoken about what happened to me. Firstly, to a charity called Wintergreen, who gave me an opportunity to meet other service people who had similar experiences.
They put me in touch with Fighting With Pride, who’ve supported me ever since. My story was included in Lord Etherton’s Report and then printed as a chapter in the “Serving with Pride” book.
Early in 2025 I was fortunate to be invited to CTCRM Lympstone, billeted in the officer’s mess, a tour of the camp, witnessed the Kings Troop Green Beret award ceremony followed by watching their passing out parade, where I felt very honoured and proud for them. This proved very emotional for me, as I never got to fulfill this lifetime ambition.
Before I said farewell to my chaperones, there was another surprise. I was presented with a RN presentation box, containing, a beret, and the latest Commando Comic! For once I was speechless, and so thankful to the RN reparations team, and the staff and officers of CTCRM for making me so welcome
I am also very grateful to the team at FWP, for allowing me, as a “straight guy”, to be a part of their community, giving me a voice, listened to, and heard!
