Having left school at the age of 15 in 1969, and spending the first year of my working life training as an apprentice tool maker, I made the decision to join the Royal Navy in May 1970.
Having been a member of various uniformed organisations as a child, it seemed a natural progression. My elation on being acepted into the Royal Navy was never in doubt. My life and carrer planned for the next twenty year.
Following training at H.M.S Raleigh, I was deployed to H.M.S Albion, where I served until her final decommission. Following, I was then transferred to H.M.S Drake and finally to H.M.S. Dryad.
In 1973, I met a civilian who was openly Gay and who alerted me to my own sexuality. Until this point, I had never questioned my own potential sexuality and had until then, not even really thought about it. Struggling with the question about my own identity led me to seek help and support from my divisional officer.
He, immediately had me arrested on confessing my confusion, had me confined, isolated and interrogated. I was taken to see a psychiatrist and had intrusive internal examinations carried out. It felt as if I had been raped.
Mentally, I was a mess and did not receive any form of support or guidance. After just two days of intense questioning and medically intrusive examinations, I was formally discharged from the service I dearly loved and from a career I felt committed to. I was marched off the boundary of the ship and left very much to my own devises.
I had no home or place to live, no job prospects, very little money and had the threat of a letter being sent to my mother outing me.
Had it not been for friends who lived locally in Portsmouth, I would have gladly ended my life there and then. For several years I suffered from the humiliation of being ‘kicked out’ of H.M Services struggling with my mental health. I was diagnosed with Melancholia by my G.P. but would argue now that I was suffering with P.T.S.D.
Eventually, I accepted who I was, and I found my lifelong partner, with whom I have been with for 48 years. I managed to make a successful career in Social Work and Academia and am now retired. However, I still struggle to tell him the truth about my discharge from the Royal Navy, preferring to still keep that dreadful memory from my partner and the people I love.
Dare to say, since the ‘Ban’ has been lifted and since Fighting with Pride has taken up the baton, I have once again been able to recognise my value as a past serving member of the British Armed Forces. Unfortunately, the bad memories of my final days in the Royal Navy and the following traumatic years have once again come back to haunt me.
